O, Discordia!
by sugaredkiwi
Summary: Dante and Vergil are at it again, this time about the Golden Apple of Discord. Is it real? Who knows?


"You have got to be shitting me." Why did things always start out that way? Why. That was all Dante wanted to know. The minute the words 'golden apple of discord' had come out of Vergil's mouth, Dante knew he was going to be in trouble. It never failed: Vergil would get a bee in his bonnet over something stupid (such as something that didn't _exist_), and Dante would get pulled behind like a little red wagon. And it always, _always_ ended badly. That part _always_ held true.

"Seriously." And Dante made no bones about rolling his eyes, ignoring the look of consternation on his brother's face. "Don't you realize every time you start this shit, we either have to go on the lam, or we get our asses kicked? Do I even _need_ to remind you of the whole Holy Grail thing?" Because Vergil very well knew what Dante was refering to, and anything he said to the contrary was a lie.

"I have no idea to that which you refer." Which proved that Vergil was a fucking liar. Not that Dante was shocked or surprised by that revelation, but it proved a point. Vergil _did_ purge the times where he looked bad out of his head as though they'd never existed at all. Either that, or he secretly blamed Dante for his own fuckups in those little matters. Dante had a feeling it was a strong combination of both.

"You damn well do, you fucking loony toon." Why did Vergil make this so hard. Why. Dante shook his head, clearing his train of thought, before jabbing a finger in the elder twin's chest, not caring that he'd just committed a huge no-no. "You listen here, _big brother_. I'm not going, you can't make me go, and that. Is. Final." The last three words were punctuated with more hard jabs with his finger, and while the darkening to purple and grey of Vergil's eyes was...Slightly unnerving, he wasn't going to back down. Not this time.

It was answered with a hard backhand to Dante's face, before Vergil grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, moving to tug him to the door. "You will go." Another hard tug was given, sending Dante - with being slightly knocked senseless from the seemingly casual slap - stumbling behind Vergil. "And you will like it. And if I have to tie you to the roof of the car by your own entrails, so help me, Dante, I will do it."

Dante found his feet and tugged back, making a small strangled noise when his shirt collar pulled tight around his throat. Giving in, for the moment, he reached up and rubbed at his neck, scowling at the back of his brother's pointy, quill-covered head. "What the fuck do you need _me_ for, anyway. Why the fuck can't you do this shit by yourself?"

"Because you are retarded, and amuse me." As if that answered anything. Vergil twisted the shirt collar tighter, hauling Dante closer to him in the process. "And because I need a monkey to do things for me. Alas, I do not have a monkey, but I do have you." Another twist was given to the shirt, effectively cutting off any reply Dante could have given (and most of his air supply), and Vergil swung him around in front, to push him out of the front doors of the shop. "Now be a good little boy and get into the car."

Bastard. When he got out of this, he was going to beat Vergil's ass retarded. No. He was going to beat Vergil's ass sane. He almost grinned at that, even as his face began to turn an unhealthy shade of blue, before starts littered his vision and a pain streaked through his head.

Vergil, being the kindest, bestest big brother in the entire world, yanked Dante upward from where he was still stunned with the slamming of his head into the hood of the car and yanked open the passenger side door. A swift kick to Dante's ass was given, effectively tumbling him inside, and for a moment Vergil considered slamming the door on his beloved baby brother's foot, but decided it was unnecessary. Dante was in the car.

"You _bastard_." It was whined, and Dante held his head where a large red mark (and sizable goose egg) was forming, before glaring up at Vergil where he was half slumped in the seat. "I'm totally going to get you back for this. You hear me? Totally. Going to."

"Yes, yes, kick my ass, rape me with a pool cue, break my face open. We know, Dante. Now shut the hell up." After roughly nudging Dante's foot into the car he slammed the door, before making his way to the driver's side and climbing in, ignoring the pouty and wibbly look Dante shot his way. "If you're a good boy, I won't be forced to mutilate you." The key was turned in the ignition and the engine came to life, and whatever Dante mumbled under his breath was lost under his noise.

And Dante was lucky it was, too, considering Vergil was in no mood for whining.

* * *

**Author's Notes:** This is it. Fin. No more. I don't even _want_ to know what kind of trouble they got into, though knowing these two it was catastrophic.


End file.
